FAQ | Search | Memberlist | Usergroups | Register | Profile | Inbox | Log in | SmartFeedSmartFeed


 okgg.org > Forum Index > Gibberish > hear a good joke? post it here Goto page Previous  1, 2, 3 ... , 27, 28, 29  Next

  Author    Thread Post new topic  Reply to topic
TehDanMan
Guerilla Ontologist


Joined: 01 Jul 2003
Posts: 13143
 Reply with quote  

A teddy bear walks into a restaurant and sits down.
Waiter walks over and asks if he'd like something to eat.
Teddy bear says, "No thanks, I'm stuffed."
_________________
Blargle Flarg Bergah Merg

Post Mon Oct 13, 2008 4:19 pm  View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
detox
Naaaaaah. NaaaaaFLAC.


Joined: 20 Mar 2003
Posts: 4317
Location: Durant
 Reply with quote  

HER DIARY:



Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We

had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with

my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was

a bit late, but he made no comment on it.





Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we

go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say

much. I asked him what was wrong. He said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it

was my faultthat he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do

with me, and not to worry about it.



On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He

smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior. I

don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.' When we got home, I

felt as if Ihad lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me

anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant

and absent.



Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go

to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. To my surprise, he

responded to my caress, and we made love. But I still felt that he was

distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep -I cried. I don't

know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My

life is a disaster.







HIS DIARY:

My Harley wouldn't start today, but at least I got laid!
_________________
I7 2600K
EVGA 980ti FTW
16gigs
SSD
3x Dell U2412 Monitors

Post Sat Dec 20, 2008 2:35 pm  View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website ICQ Number
Shinare
SEXNOCULAR


Joined: 17 Mar 2004
Posts: 13332
Location: Up your butt with a coconut!!
 Reply with quote  

An old prospector walks his tired old mule into a western town one day. He'd been out in the desert for about six months without a drop of whiskey. He walked up to the first saloon he came to and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger walked out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.

The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, 'Hey old man, have you ever danced?'

The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, 'No, I never did dance. I just never wanted to.'

A crowd had gathered by then and the gunslinger said, 'Well, you old fool, you're gonna' dance now,' and started shooting at the old man's feet. The old prospector was hopping around and everybody was laughing. When the gunslinger fired his last bullet, he holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.

The old man reached up on the mule, drew his shotgun, and pulled both hammers back making a double clicking sound. The gunslinger heard the sound and everything got quiet. The crowd watched as the gunslinger slowly turned around looking down both barrels of the shotgun.

The old man asked, 'Did you ever kiss a mule's butt?'

The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, 'No. But, I've always wanted to.'

The lessons from this story are:

1. Don't waste ammunition.

2. Don't mess with old people.
_________________
For with what measure you measure it will be measured to you.

Post Fri Feb 27, 2009 11:02 am  View user's profile Send private message ICQ Number
TehDanMan
Guerilla Ontologist


Joined: 01 Jul 2003
Posts: 13143
 Reply with quote  

A crowded flight is canceled, and a frazzled agent must rebook a long line of inconvenienced travelers by herself. Suddenly, an angry passenger pushes to the front and demands to be on the next flight, first class.

The agent replies, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first."

The passenger screams, "Do you have ANY idea who I am?"

The gate agent grabs her public address microphone, "May I have your attention, please? We have a passenger here WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to gate 17."

The man grits his teeth, "Screw you."

She replies, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to stand in line for that, too."
_________________
Blargle Flarg Bergah Merg

Post Wed Jul 29, 2009 10:54 am  View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
LightningCrash
Smile like Bob, order your free LC today


Joined: 03 Apr 2003
Posts: 5020
 Reply with quote  

TehDanMan wrote: A crowded flight is canceled, and a frazzled agent must rebook a long line of inconvenienced travelers by herself. Suddenly, an angry passenger pushes to the front and demands to be on the next flight, first class.

The agent replies, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first."

The passenger screams, "Do you have ANY idea who I am?"

The gate agent grabs her public address microphone, "May I have your attention, please? We have a passenger here WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to gate 17."

The man grits his teeth, "Screw you."

She replies, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to stand in line for that, too."
I always say there's nothing like a good joke.

and that was nothing like a good joke.

Post Wed Jul 29, 2009 11:01 am  View user's profile Send private message
TehDanMan
Guerilla Ontologist


Joined: 01 Jul 2003
Posts: 13143
 Reply with quote  

Your input is unappreciated.
_________________
Blargle Flarg Bergah Merg

Post Wed Jul 29, 2009 11:08 am  View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
LightningCrash
Smile like Bob, order your free LC today


Joined: 03 Apr 2003
Posts: 5020
 Reply with quote  

Your output is hexadecimal.

Post Wed Jul 29, 2009 11:11 am  View user's profile Send private message
TehDanMan
Guerilla Ontologist


Joined: 01 Jul 2003
Posts: 13143
 Reply with quote  

Steve and his buddies were hanging out and planning an upcoming fishing trip. Unfortunately, he had to tell them that he couldn't go this time because his wife wouldn't let him. After a lot of teasing and name calling, Steve headed home frustrated.

The following week when Steve's buddies arrived at the lake to set up camp, they were shocked to see Steve. He was already sitting at the campground with a cold beer, swag rolled out, fishing rod in hand, and a camp fire glowing.

"How did you talk your missus into letting you go Steve?"

"I didn't have to," Steve replied.
Yesterday, when I left work , I went home and slumped down in my chair with a beer to drown my sorrows because I couldn't go fishing. Then the ol' lady Snuck up behind me and covered my eyes and said, 'Surprise'."

"When I peeled her hands back, she was standing there in a beautiful see through negligee and she said, ' Carry me into the bedroom, tie me to the bed and you can do whatever you want'.....

So, Here I am!"
_________________
Blargle Flarg Bergah Merg

Post Fri Aug 07, 2009 10:36 am  View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
TehDanMan
Guerilla Ontologist


Joined: 01 Jul 2003
Posts: 13143
 Reply with quote  

LightningCrash wrote: Your output is hexadecimal.


Nope, it is ASCII.
_________________
Blargle Flarg Bergah Merg

Post Fri Aug 07, 2009 10:37 am  View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Brules
M F C E O


Joined: 23 Mar 2003
Posts: 11074
Location: Konnichiwa, bitches.
 Reply with quote  

While the C-5 was turning over its engines, a female crewman gave the G.I.s on board the usual information regarding seat belts, emergency exits, etc.

Finally, she said, 'Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your captain, Judith Campbell, and crew take you safely to Afghanistan '

An old MSgt. sitting in the eighth row thought to himself, 'Did I hear her right? Is the captain a woman? '

When the attendant came by he said 'Did I understand you right? Is the captain a woman?'
'Yes,'! said the attendant, 'In fact, this entire crew is female.'

'My God,' he said, 'I wish I had two double scotch and sodas. I don't know what to think
with only women up there in the cockpit.'

'That's another thing, Sergeant,' said the crew member, 'We No Longer Call It The Cockpit'

'It's The Box Office.'
_________________
K-SWISS Power cologne. Who knew you could bottle the scent of boner?

Post Wed Aug 26, 2009 12:02 pm  View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
TehDanMan
Guerilla Ontologist


Joined: 01 Jul 2003
Posts: 13143
 Reply with quote  

What is the difference between a dead baby and a bagel?
You can toast a bagel in a toaster. With a baby, you need an oven.




If you don't like baby jokes, you should quit making life miserable for everyone else and realize that before you lost your balls, you'd have laughed your ass off at that and need to grow a new set.
_________________
Blargle Flarg Bergah Merg

Post Wed Feb 10, 2010 12:01 am  View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
Drix
SEAT #ASS 10


Joined: 18 Aug 2004
Posts: 1773
Location: Norman
 Reply with quote  

I'm sorry Dan, but most of the dead baby jokes aren't funny. I'm sure there are exceptions. There always are. But I'm afraid this one might have just been in bad taste. Sad
_________________
Advocating the end of the world since July 1995.

Post Wed Feb 10, 2010 2:43 pm  View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail AIM Address Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger ICQ Number
TehDanMan
Guerilla Ontologist


Joined: 01 Jul 2003
Posts: 13143
 Reply with quote  

Whats worse than finding a dead baby in a dumpster?
Finding a dead baby in 7 dumpsters.
_________________
Blargle Flarg Bergah Merg

Post Wed Feb 10, 2010 3:10 pm  View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
LightningCrash
Smile like Bob, order your free LC today


Joined: 03 Apr 2003
Posts: 5020
 Reply with quote  

yogurt

Post Wed Feb 10, 2010 4:46 pm  View user's profile Send private message
Nikola
Hung Like a Flea


Joined: 22 Mar 2009
Posts: 790
Location: Edmond, OK
 Reply with quote  

How do you make 10 dead babies fit in a bowl? Blender.
How do you get them out? Tostitos!
_________________
Failure is just success rounded down.

Post Wed Feb 10, 2010 4:50 pm  View user's profile Send private message AIM Address ICQ Number
Stealth
I Read Insults for Dummies & Still Fail.


Joined: 12 May 2005
Posts: 1376
Location: Tahlequah
 Reply with quote  

Q: What four animals do you see after great sex?
A: Two tired asses, one wet kitty, one dead cock!.
_________________
"You will need to change more than your IP Address, you will need to change your panties after I get done with you."

Post Wed May 05, 2010 8:41 pm  View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website AIM Address Yahoo Messenger MSN Messenger ICQ Number
Shinare
SEXNOCULAR


Joined: 17 Mar 2004
Posts: 13332
Location: Up your butt with a coconut!!
 Reply with quote  

The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog are in a doggie bar having a drink when a good-looking female Collie comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me." So the Doberman says, "I love liver and cheese." The Collie says, "That's not imaginative enough." The Bulldog says, "I hate liver and cheese." She says, "That's nowhere near creative enough." Finally, the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone......cheese mine."
_________________
For with what measure you measure it will be measured to you.

Post Thu May 06, 2010 8:57 am  View user's profile Send private message ICQ Number
detox
Naaaaaah. NaaaaaFLAC.


Joined: 20 Mar 2003
Posts: 4317
Location: Durant
 Reply with quote  

Can we get Shinare a temp ban please?

What is sad is that I laughed a little.
_________________
I7 2600K
EVGA 980ti FTW
16gigs
SSD
3x Dell U2412 Monitors

Post Thu May 06, 2010 4:36 pm  View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website ICQ Number
Nikola
Hung Like a Flea


Joined: 22 Mar 2009
Posts: 790
Location: Edmond, OK
 Reply with quote  

detox wrote: Can we get Shinare a temp ban please?

What is sad is that I laughed a little.


Hahahahahahaha... Ban that motherfucker, I laughed too.
_________________
Failure is just success rounded down.

Post Thu May 06, 2010 5:30 pm  View user's profile Send private message AIM Address ICQ Number
Brules
M F C E O


Joined: 23 Mar 2003
Posts: 11074
Location: Konnichiwa, bitches.
 Reply with quote  

I LoL'd at the thought of Shinare scrunching up his face like a Chihuaha say "cheeese mine".
_________________
K-SWISS Power cologne. Who knew you could bottle the scent of boner?

Post Thu May 06, 2010 7:35 pm  View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail
  Display posts from previous:      
Post new topic  Reply to topic

Last Thread | Next Thread  > Goto page Previous  1, 2, 3 ... , 27, 28, 29  Next

Quick Reply

  
Jump to:  
Forum Rules:
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum